Car Jokes

An old lady from the country went to a big city for the first time. She crossed the busy street against the traffic, but somehow managed to attain the opposite kerb in one piece. A policeman asked her, "Didn't you see that light? It says, 'Don't Walk'!"
The old lady replied, "Oh yes, I saw it, but I thought it was an advertisement for a bus company!"

"Where will I catch the number 733 bus?"
"In the small of the back, unless you get off the road!"

"I wonder how I got that puncture?" "You probably picked it up at the last fork in the road."

"Yes Officer, I was a bit over the speed limit. You see my brakes aren't working and I want to get home before I have an accident!"

A grandmother's advice to a young driver: "Take it easy, my boy. Drive no faster than your guardian angel can fly."

"When I die, I want to go out just like my grandfather, in his sleep, peaceful and quiet... not kicking and screaming like the other guys in his car"

Cars run on smoke. If any leaks out they don't work.

Cars a getting really small these days. I stuck my arm out for a left turn and a sports car ran up my sleeve!

Car sickness: what you get when the repair bill arrives in the mail.

Drive carefully. Remember, a car isn't the only thing that can be recalled by its maker.

If you drive carelessly, your car might last you your lifetime!

I've got a new car, but I only get three miles to the gallon. My teenage son gets the rest!

Did you know that freeways are mentioned in the Bible? "The Lord made every creeping thing..."

I solved the parking problem - I bought a parked car!

The attendant was filling the tank of a big fuel burner and saw fit to ask the driver, "Do you mind switching off a minute? It's getting ahead of me!"

The best way to make an old car run better is to look at the price of a new one.

Nothing is more exasperating than being stuck in traffic by a guy who's observing the speed limit!

"I knew of a driver who was going at 140km/h trying to beat a train to a level crossing!"
"Did he get across?"
"Yes, a lovely marble one!"

Frequent naps prevent old age, especially if taken while driving.